to let go, may be it is time to let go of hope, to let go of love, to let go of dreams, what point is there to hope, to love, to wish, that which was not meant for me , i cannot have that, thats the truth of life, i feel sad, not resentfull, somehings are never meant to happen, some dreams have no meaning, love i dont know what it is, for today i love you, i care for you, may be i always will, but you wouldn't, i cannot make you to, i do not know why love came to my life, why ??? may be someone else will love me, knowing that i do not love her, maybe we will make love, make home, may be it will always be a one night stand, i wanted to believe differently, i wanted to make god feel my love, i thought faith is all, ,,

confusion

you come like a whirlwind, "dont have net" you say, missing your friend i think, your smile so cute, in white Tee and jeans, you are an angel, i smile too, my heart dance in joy, to see you smile, you don't smile for me, but i smile anyway, you yahoo your friend, go away in a dash, i wish i was the one you smile for, i am confused, what to i feel, happy, sad, angry, you dont care, i wish i knew why i am so invisible, i wish i knew ...

My Shadow Muse

Is
FEAR
FEAR
FEAR
FEAR
FEAR

FEAR breeds anger, resentment,hatred, distrust,aloofness, pretence,
creates DEFENSES
the WALL is CRITICISM
and the Compliment is always FALSE because it is THE WALL that I let the world see

her friend is coming next Augast

she says jbean is coming next Augast, what if she likes him, what if she loves him, what if she choose him, what IF ???
what can you do, nothing, pray and hope, and fret out, no way, SHE LOVES ME, SHE LOVES ME, SHE ONLY LOVES ME,

you lost 20 thousand bucks

you have lost 20 thousand bucks for criticising, although the situation demands you should have refrained, be very carefull.

you don't care

i want you to say it, i want you to say "i love you", you do not, i keep fretting, fear grips my knees, i have wobbly footsteps you say, i feel weak, last night in my dreamscape, you keep singing with your friends, i want to you to say they are just friends, i am the one you love, you never say it, i cry and cry, my heart hurts, i cannot breath, i woke up sobbing, damn you, i feel angry, i cannot live without you, dont you feel it, why are you so cruel to me, damn you god, damn you...